April 10, 2010 (Austin, Texas) – Tiffani Wampler spoke at SafePlace’s Field Day 2010, she spoke out about her experience and why it is so important to begin the healing process and let someone know about the abuse. Click the video link below to watch her short, but moving speech that opened the day’s events.
Join the forum discussion on this post - (1) PostsThere are many ways to heal from sexual abuse/assualt. Here are some of the key factors I have found to be worth knowing and understanding:
1) be honest with yourself: not everyone needs to know all the details, but you certainly have to be able to look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that this happened in your life. Don’t focus on what you can’t remember or what may be a foggy haze, but do focus on understanding what being sexually abused can bring into your life.
2) Talk. Talk. Talk.: this is not easy. It is one of the more complicated processes when it comes to healing, but it’s a must. If talking for you means journaling at this time during your healing process, then that is okay. But you have got to get it out. Allowing it to fester inside of you only creates more harm than good. The faster you can admit to yourself that you were indeed abused, the faster you will start to live a healthy/normal life.
3) Understand “normal”: normal is not defined by anyone else but you. You know what is normal for your life. Yes, society may have the ideal picture of what your life should look like, but in the end it is YOUR life and you own it! Trust yourself enough to define the real you.
4) Have a safe group: these are people you know you can call at any time of day/night and they will listen to you word for word and offer a hug in the darkest moments. Everyone may have a different role. One friend may be really great at distracting you. Other friends are good listeners but really can’t offer advice. Certain people are great at getting you to see the reality and not just your fear. Try to understand the people on your list as to what they can contribute. Do not run to someone in a time of need if you know they cannot handle your story of being abused.
5) Read books/blog sites/survivor stories: Understanding that you are not alone will help you tremendously. I do promise that someone out there has felt everything you have felt. That someone shares your pain and understands you better than you even realize. Finding books can be your greatest weapon to heal. There are many books that offer different healing solutions, I welcome those into your life, however I felt that finding other survivors who could relate to my fears and reality was more helpful than a therapeutic book offering advice.
6) Get help: Help comes in all forms. For me, I have found great healing with Dr. Leslie Barnes. She has allowed me to heal in the time I want to, not what she thinks is necessary. Finding the right therapist or support group is vital to your healing process. If you are uncomfortable with your therapist it will only be that much easier to ignore therapy and/or healing. Don’t feel like the first therapist you set an appointment with has to be the one. Trust yourself to know that you will be to talk easier if you feel you can trust the person whom you are speaking with.
These are just a few of the essentials in healing that worked for me. Do believe in yourself and the courage it takes to heal. This is not a one day process. It can take a year, two, maybe ten but in the end you will be a happier/healthier person by taking the time to heal. I applaud any effort you take towards healing. I believe in you.
You can do this!
Hugs,
Tiffani Wampler
Surviving sexual abuse is one of the most difficult tasks that any human being can be faced with. Not only is it physically demeaning, but it is an emotional rollercoaster that more often than not ends with suicide. Thankfully, I am alive today to share my story and say “’I AM A SURVIVOR!” However, I would not be where I am if I didn’t have the support of my family and friends to get me through the dark times.
Part of the support group is the legal system that many victims and survivors fear. The system does not work for us. It is a place that protects the perpetrator, “innocent until proven guilty.” It is the main reason victims fear turning their abuser in when it should be the number one support group that comforts us and provides us with the proper steps in reporting the assault and abuse. Having stipulations on when a survivor can turn in any form of abuse is completely unjust to mankind. It takes years to understand what the abuse was, how it happened, and learning how to deal with the daily guilt that comes along with being abused. Not only do survivors often blame themselves, but they suffer from depression and anxiety when trying to confront the issues at hand.
It is important that survivors and supporters all group together to educate the world on the effects of sexual abuse. It is a viscous cycle that often takes more than five years to come to terms with in order to begin the healing process. Part of that healing process is learning how to turn your abuser in, finding comfort that the system will believe you, and learning that as a survivor you are protected by state laws. The emotional trauma is too much to put a stipulation on when you can turn someone in. Together we can make a difference and change the civil law!
“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” Harriet Tubman
My only excuse for not writing a book is having the lack of patience to learn how to. I have written all my life, but somehow trying to find the right words in hopes of changing just one persons’ life has become quite the challenge to me. I am determined to write, and I will write. I will find all the words needed and the time to share my story to help heal other sexual abuse survivors. No one can stand in front of me and tell me no. In the end it is about me and survivors not what my family thinks or wants to hear. Not what my “friends” can leave for judgement; but MY TRUTH. It isn’t pretty. It will cause some tears, but was MY REALITY. I survived it, so can you!
Tiffani Wampler
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