There are many ways to heal from sexual abuse/assualt. Here are some of the key factors I have found to be worth knowing and understanding:
1) be honest with yourself: not everyone needs to know all the details, but you certainly have to be able to look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that this happened in your life. Don’t focus on what you can’t remember or what may be a foggy haze, but do focus on understanding what being sexually abused can bring into your life.
2) Talk. Talk. Talk.: this is not easy. It is one of the more complicated processes when it comes to healing, but it’s a must. If talking for you means journaling at this time during your healing process, then that is okay. But you have got to get it out. Allowing it to fester inside of you only creates more harm than good. The faster you can admit to yourself that you were indeed abused, the faster you will start to live a healthy/normal life.
3) Understand “normal”: normal is not defined by anyone else but you. You know what is normal for your life. Yes, society may have the ideal picture of what your life should look like, but in the end it is YOUR life and you own it! Trust yourself enough to define the real you.
4) Have a safe group: these are people you know you can call at any time of day/night and they will listen to you word for word and offer a hug in the darkest moments. Everyone may have a different role. One friend may be really great at distracting you. Other friends are good listeners but really can’t offer advice. Certain people are great at getting you to see the reality and not just your fear. Try to understand the people on your list as to what they can contribute. Do not run to someone in a time of need if you know they cannot handle your story of being abused.
5) Read books/blog sites/survivor stories: Understanding that you are not alone will help you tremendously. I do promise that someone out there has felt everything you have felt. That someone shares your pain and understands you better than you even realize. Finding books can be your greatest weapon to heal. There are many books that offer different healing solutions, I welcome those into your life, however I felt that finding other survivors who could relate to my fears and reality was more helpful than a therapeutic book offering advice.
6) Get help: Help comes in all forms. For me, I have found great healing with Dr. Leslie Barnes. She has allowed me to heal in the time I want to, not what she thinks is necessary. Finding the right therapist or support group is vital to your healing process. If you are uncomfortable with your therapist it will only be that much easier to ignore therapy and/or healing. Don’t feel like the first therapist you set an appointment with has to be the one. Trust yourself to know that you will be to talk easier if you feel you can trust the person whom you are speaking with.
These are just a few of the essentials in healing that worked for me. Do believe in yourself and the courage it takes to heal. This is not a one day process. It can take a year, two, maybe ten but in the end you will be a happier/healthier person by taking the time to heal. I applaud any effort you take towards healing. I believe in you.
You can do this!
Hugs,
Tiffani Wampler