One of the many symptoms sexual abuse survivors write about is their inability to let things go. It’s very consuming to hang on to emotional baggage, however that emotional baggage is often what has kept us alive. What may appear to be a small gesture to a person who didn’t survive sexual abuse, is larger than life in our eyes. It’s those little thing that really help us get through our dark moments and continue to be pressing issues even years later.
It’s important to understand that this is a normal response to being sexually abused. It’s not as if we are consciously making the choice to dwell, but rather have no idea how to more forward. The past lingers in every which way, good or bad. Unfortunately, the bad stuff over shadows the good causing (once again) the little things in life to really add up. It’s the only way we know to survive. Hanging on to a thread, when really we’d rather have an entire blanket of love wrapped around us. Feeling safe is something we cannot conceive which only gives a greater need to hold on to positve things.
One of the things I tend to hang on to is past relationships. Friendships or more, either way they are all very important to me. I have a hard time letting go of toxic relationships as well. I can easily complain about someone and their behaviors but I have little motive to actually let them go. I am learning that I can make choices to let people go and realize that their feelings aren’t always more important than mine. I am capable of putting myself first in these instances. However, I will admit, this is the hardest challenging I have faced in a while. I adore people. I am a social butterfly, but there is no need to hang onto something that is only causing me pain.
Feelings like this go hand in hand with the fear of being abandoned by those we love. It’s a very real concern and something that survivors fear in every relationship. We are damaged goods, so we think. Therefore, it’s only a time bomb for someone to leave us.
THAT ISN’T TRUE! We are able to love and give love just like the rest of the world receives/gives. We are capable of loving ourselves and finding inner peace. It may be a longer journey than the person sitting next to you who has no idea you were abused, BUT it is possible!
Hugs
Tiffani Wampler
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