You are currently browsing the archives for January 2010

Michael Skinner (creative, talented, hope for survivors)

  • Posted on January 31, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I am so thankful that Michael Skinner is sharing his news letter with the world and becoming a great voice of hope for sexual abuse survivors!!!  You can check out his website to learn more about his mission and the work he is doing.

http://www.mskinnermusic.com/

Care to leave a comment?

Ingredients to surviving Sexual Abuse!!

  • Posted on January 30, 2010 at 6:39 pm

There are many ways to heal from sexual abuse/assualt. Here are some of the key factors I have found to be worth knowing and understanding:

1) be honest with yourself:  not everyone needs to know all the details, but you certainly have to be able to look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that this happened in your life. Don’t focus on what you can’t remember or what may be a foggy haze, but do focus on understanding what being sexually abused can bring into your life.

2) Talk. Talk. Talk.: this is not easy. It is one of the more complicated processes when it comes to healing, but it’s a must. If talking for you means journaling at this time during your healing process, then that is okay. But you have got to get it out. Allowing it to fester inside of you only creates more harm than good. The faster you can admit to yourself that you were indeed abused, the faster you will start to live a healthy/normal life.

3) Understand “normal”: normal is not defined by anyone else but you. You know what is normal for your life. Yes, society may have the ideal picture of what your life should look like, but in the end it is YOUR life and you own it! Trust yourself enough to define the real you.

4) Have a safe group: these are people you know you can call at any time of day/night and they will listen to you word for word and offer a hug in the darkest moments. Everyone may have a different role. One friend may be really great at distracting you. Other friends are good listeners but really can’t offer advice. Certain people are great at getting you to see the reality and not just your fear. Try to understand the people on your list as to what they can contribute. Do not run to someone in a time of need if you know they cannot handle your story of being abused.

5) Read books/blog sites/survivor stories: Understanding that you are not alone will help you tremendously. I do promise that someone out there has felt everything you have felt. That someone shares your pain and understands you better than you even realize. Finding books can be your greatest weapon to heal. There are many books that offer different healing solutions, I welcome those into your life, however I felt that finding other survivors who could relate to my fears and reality was more helpful than a therapeutic book offering advice.

6) Get help: Help comes in all forms. For me, I have found great healing with Dr. Leslie Barnes. She has allowed me to heal in the time I want to, not what she thinks is necessary. Finding the right therapist or support group is vital to your healing process. If you are uncomfortable with your therapist it will only be that much easier to ignore therapy and/or healing. Don’t feel like the first therapist you set an appointment with has to be the one. Trust yourself to know that you will be to talk easier if you feel you can trust the person whom you are speaking with.

These are just a few of the essentials in healing that worked for me. Do believe in yourself and the courage it takes to heal. This is not a one day process. It can take a year, two, maybe ten but in the end you will be a happier/healthier person by taking the time to heal. I applaud any effort you take towards healing. I believe in you.

You can do this!

Hugs,

Tiffani Wampler

Care to leave a comment?

What do you want to hear from LAS?

  • Posted on January 27, 2010 at 11:30 am

Hey guys! Thanks for reading and giving your support towards ending sexual abuse….we have a long way to go, but it is worth every effort!!!

Tell me what you want to hear? What would like advice on? What have you heard that you had no idea was happening?

Thanks

Tiffani Wampler

1 Comment

SafePlace Fundraiser

  • Posted on January 27, 2010 at 9:25 am

Hey guys check out the link below…let’s see how much we can get to assist in raising funds for an amazing program!!!

www.safeplace.org/livingasecert

Thanks

Tiffani

Care to leave a comment?

My husband, the GREATEST!

  • Posted on January 25, 2010 at 8:27 pm

I am so very lucky to have a husband who supports, loves, and holds me through all the pain being a survivor brings to my life and his. I am thankful he is there to tell me when I’m being silly to when I have every right to be angry at the world. I had no idea marriage could be so difficult but I am more than just a little thankful that he is the one by my side through it all.

He is my best friend, my true love, and the most amazing supporter I have! I am so grateful to have him in my life.

I love you babe.

Tiff

2 Comments on My husband, the GREATEST!

Nille, my dear friend

  • Posted on January 25, 2010 at 7:41 pm

I have this amazing friend. Nille has become such a huge part of my support group. She listens, she shares, she talks to me about all the stuff that I need to talk about. She is an amazing woman and survivor!!! I am so excited I have found someone who can relate with me and share this survivor experience with me.

Thank you, Nille, for always being there when I need you! I am so very thankful people like you exist in this world. You have become one of my truest friends and I am honored to call you FRIEND!!!

I love you,

Tiffani

1 Comment

Is there material chaos in your life?

  • Posted on January 25, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Many survivors show their chaotic emotions through living in clutter. The concept of keeping their home neat and clean is beyond their reach as their emotional state does not prove that things can indeed be organized. Is this something that you feel you can relate to?

I know as a child my room was a disaster at all times. Rarely, could you see the bottom of my floor. As an adult, and through the years of therapy I have grown so much, but I am still not where I’d hope to be. Don’t get me wrong, the house is pretty clean, but the closets, my craft room, or office space are all areas I constantly struggle to keep clean.

You?

Hugs,

Tiffani Wampler

1 Comment

Helping Cope?

  • Posted on January 21, 2010 at 9:45 am

There are many techniques survivors will attempt when learning how to self soothe through rough moments. What may work for one will not always work for the others. It is key to understand your triggers and trust yourself to get out of that negative space. Below are a few of the things I can do to get to my “happy place:”

-washing my hands in cool water

-talking to a friend

-watching a movie/listening to music for distraction

-calling therapist

-blogging/journalling

-ask my husband for a hug

-talk to a survivor who can relate

What are some of the things you feel keep you sane?

Thanks

Tiffani Wampler

Care to leave a comment?

Is spanking sexual abuse?

  • Posted on January 18, 2010 at 8:47 pm

I have spent the past week doing research on sexual abuse. I have found some fantastic information and resources that just prove that we are NOT crazy! LOL. It is so important that we all get on board to start understanding that we are “normal.” It may not be what society views as “normal” but we are normal for how we grew up and all that we endured. Sexual abuse has many symptoms, responses, and feelings…all of which is completly OK!

One article I found very intersting is about spanking being considered sexual abuse. I was spanked all of four times in my childhood all of which were before the abuse ever started. After reading this article I do not consider those spankings sexual abuse, HOWEVER I do agree with what this woman endured as a child and many others like her, did experience sexual abuse. You are not alone if you feel that your beatings were more about getting someone off then punishment.

She described in great detail the way her father would make her bend over further and further, bare bottom, and she didnt dare put her hands on her bottom as that only resulted in more beatings. WOW. It was a hard read and could cause so many triggers for those who were abused in the same ways.

Hugs.

Tiffani Wampler

3 Comments on Is spanking sexual abuse?

Physical Pain from Emotional Pain?

  • Posted on January 14, 2010 at 6:45 pm

No, the pain is not in your head! Yes, you actually feel the pain. The pain is real. No one is telling you there is no pain. However, the truth is, our bodies deal with emotional pain physically. After years of being sexually abused it is only common that you are going to have physical symptoms that don’t add up in your head.

I know first hand what that pain feels like. I went through years of diagnoses. I did have Endometriosis, cervical cancer (twice), and many other female “issues”, but over all I started physically feeling better after a few years of constructive therapy, doing this site, and talking openly to those I trust. I still have days where I think the physical pain is stemming from something emotional, but I don’t have the tools to totally recognize that right now.

Taking pain pills can help. I do not have an addictive personality, even while depressed. Just know that it is easy to get addicted to something when you are depressed. Make sure you look for those signs. If you wake up popping pills, feel as though you cannot function with out them, or start getting them from friends then it is time to talk to a doctor about the amount of pills you are taking.

What kind of physical pains do you think you have from being abused?

Hugs,

Tiffani

Care to leave a comment?