I am in chapter one and so far a great read. I am really enjoying the fact that I can do this book with out my husband or with him. Travis was actually the one who picked it out, but I am reading it first…but maybe we will together? I’ll keep you posted on it. I need to do the first exercise. Quite frankly I really enjoy more of a workbook type thing. I am also doing the ACT workbook, they work well together but they aren’t sold together. If that makes any since to anyone.
Have a wonderful day.
Tifani
9 years ago today started my healing process when I told my sister about the abuse from my father’s hands. It wasn’t easy. I remember it very clearly. It was so insanely difficult to get the first few words out, but I must say it changed my life for the better, forever. I love that I can talk and now help other people heal. I hate that I endured the abuse, but at the same time I have the strength to survive so much more because of it.
I know it may not be easy to talk about, but I encourage everyone to begin your healing process. We will all need different forms of “therapy.” Some of us need a group to relate to, others need one person, some might completely heal just through journaling. Whatever works for you, find the strength to start today and live your life for you.
Hugs to all.
Tiffani.Wampler@livingasecret.com
Many survivors find themselves repeating unhealthy relationships, for we grew up having no idea what healthy boundaries are or what love really is. The examples we were shown as children were exactly how we have typically set our lives to be…but that can change! We all deserve to be loved and enjoy love. No longer do you need to fear love, but embrace it. The sooner you can come to terms with the fact that you are “normal” for what happened to you, and that just because you weren’t taught the proper way a relationship should be, does not mean you have no right to have one.
Real love does not abuse. It does not harm you or push things unto you without your permission. It does not hit, slap, beat, rape, or verbally attack you in any way. Do trust that every relationship will have an argument, but those are only words and not hate filled words. You have every right to feel this type of love. You have the right to trust the hand that touches you in the middle of the night. YOu have the right to smile when love walks in the door so that you can embrace it with all you have.
Trust is the major key here. You first will have to learn to trust yourself. It’s okay to not take the dark alley home because you get an icky feeling about it. Just as it is okay to not date the guy who makes you feel weird/awkward inside. Trust and love come in many packages. I cannot define what your love is, but I do know what it is not. Believe in yourself and your ability to love/be loved.
Hugs,
Tiffani Wampler
There are many techniques survivors will attempt when learning how to self soothe through rough moments. What may work for one will not always work for the others. It is key to understand your triggers and trust yourself to get out of that negative space. Below are a few of the things I can do to get to my “happy place:”
-washing my hands in cool water
-talking to a friend
-watching a movie/listening to music for distraction
-calling therapist
-blogging/journalling
-ask my husband for a hug
-talk to a survivor who can relate
What are some of the things you feel keep you sane?
Thanks
Tiffani Wampler
This is not about me outing my father or airing my family’s dirty laundry…this is about bringing awareness to the general public about the effects sexual abuse has on society and one’s soul. There is no reason any person or child should ever suffer sexual abuse from the hands of anyone. The more we are able to speak out, the more likely we will assist someone in turning their abuser in or even save their life as statistically suicide is much greater from a sexual abuse survivor.
I will continue this mission to do my part in making this world a better place. It is not going to be easy. There will be many questions and misunderstandings caused by the media, but the one fact remains the same: I WAS A VICTIM OF INCESTUAL ABUSE!
I applaud everyone’s efforts who can come forward, speak out, and assist in ending this heinous crime!
Hugs,
Tiffani Wampler
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Surviving sexual abuse is one of the most difficult tasks that any human being can be faced with. Not only is it physically demeaning, but it is an emotional rollercoaster that more often than not ends with suicide. Thankfully, I am alive today to share my story and say “’I AM A SURVIVOR!” However, I would not be where I am if I didn’t have the support of my family and friends to get me through the dark times.
Part of the support group is the legal system that many victims and survivors fear. The system does not work for us. It is a place that protects the perpetrator, “innocent until proven guilty.” It is the main reason victims fear turning their abuser in when it should be the number one support group that comforts us and provides us with the proper steps in reporting the assault and abuse. Having stipulations on when a survivor can turn in any form of abuse is completely unjust to mankind. It takes years to understand what the abuse was, how it happened, and learning how to deal with the daily guilt that comes along with being abused. Not only do survivors often blame themselves, but they suffer from depression and anxiety when trying to confront the issues at hand.
It is important that survivors and supporters all group together to educate the world on the effects of sexual abuse. It is a viscous cycle that often takes more than five years to come to terms with in order to begin the healing process. Part of that healing process is learning how to turn your abuser in, finding comfort that the system will believe you, and learning that as a survivor you are protected by state laws. The emotional trauma is too much to put a stipulation on when you can turn someone in. Together we can make a difference and change the civil law!
One of the many symptoms sexual abuse survivors write about is their inability to let things go. It’s very consuming to hang on to emotional baggage, however that emotional baggage is often what has kept us alive. What may appear to be a small gesture to a person who didn’t survive sexual abuse, is larger than life in our eyes. It’s those little thing that really help us get through our dark moments and continue to be pressing issues even years later.
It’s important to understand that this is a normal response to being sexually abused. It’s not as if we are consciously making the choice to dwell, but rather have no idea how to more forward. The past lingers in every which way, good or bad. Unfortunately, the bad stuff over shadows the good causing (once again) the little things in life to really add up. It’s the only way we know to survive. Hanging on to a thread, when really we’d rather have an entire blanket of love wrapped around us. Feeling safe is something we cannot conceive which only gives a greater need to hold on to positve things.
One of the things I tend to hang on to is past relationships. Friendships or more, either way they are all very important to me. I have a hard time letting go of toxic relationships as well. I can easily complain about someone and their behaviors but I have little motive to actually let them go. I am learning that I can make choices to let people go and realize that their feelings aren’t always more important than mine. I am capable of putting myself first in these instances. However, I will admit, this is the hardest challenging I have faced in a while. I adore people. I am a social butterfly, but there is no need to hang onto something that is only causing me pain.
Feelings like this go hand in hand with the fear of being abandoned by those we love. It’s a very real concern and something that survivors fear in every relationship. We are damaged goods, so we think. Therefore, it’s only a time bomb for someone to leave us.
THAT ISN’T TRUE! We are able to love and give love just like the rest of the world receives/gives. We are capable of loving ourselves and finding inner peace. It may be a longer journey than the person sitting next to you who has no idea you were abused, BUT it is possible!
Hugs
Tiffani Wampler
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I applaud Oprah and her attempts to educate the world on sexual abuse. I have dreamt for years of sitting on her couch to explain my story in hopes of saving someone else’s life; even if it’s only one. Today, a rep from RAINN contacted me to see if I would be interested in appearing on Oprah with my father (the abuser). Oh, wow. I must say I had to take a deep breath and think quickly if this is something I could do. After all, my father still blames me for the abuse, and I fear he would do so on TV. Ouch. We spoke briefly of what they were looking for, and because my father is still in prison it doesn’t work. Oprah was looking for someone who could sit in the same studio and share their story. Wow. I am speechless for about the tenth time in my life.
I have always wanted to confront my father, but the words I have invisoned saying would be bleeped out! I did post a blog on DailyStrength and asked my friends what they would say to their abusers. We all pretty much had the same response of “go rot in hell.” I would think most of us survivors feel that way.
It will be an interesting peice to watch. I will certainly let everyone know when the show will be airing once I figure that out myself.
Hugs to all.
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