April 10, 2010 (Austin, Texas) – Tiffani Wampler spoke at SafePlace’s Field Day 2010, she spoke out about her experience and why it is so important to begin the healing process and let someone know about the abuse. Click the video link below to watch her short, but moving speech that opened the day’s events.
Join the forum discussion on this post - (1) PostsWith the upcoming SafePlace Field Day I was asked to write a quick bio of my story, what I want to represent, and my message for a radio show I will be interviewing with on April 17th (links to come). I wanted to share those thoughts with you.
From the time I was 12 years old until I was 17, I was sexually abused by my father. Through those years I learned how to wear a mask that no one, even my closest friends could see through. Some survivors wear a mask out of shame and guilt; I wore a mask to protect my family. I knew that if I told anyone about my father that my family would end up separated. At 19 my father tried to rape me. My parents had finally divorced and I had a little niece to protect who just adored her Grandpa. With those thoughts in mind, I turned my father in a week later. He currently sits in prison serving a 15 year sentence. It has not been an easy road. I have endured countless sexual encounters, meaningless relationships, and depression while trying to survive the effects of this abuse. I still struggle with how to have relationships with men. I can say, now married three years, that it is a lot of work but worth every minute of it. If there is one message that I could get through to any survivor it would be YOU CAN LIVE A NORMAL LIFE! Trust me, it is not easy. There will be good days and there will be a lot of bad days. There could be days where getting out of bed to eat will be the biggest challenge you have ever faced. Then there are days where you can’t shut the world away and just wish you could. But DON’T! I know it’s a difficult time in your life right now, but please trust me when I say YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS! Don’t expect to do it alone. Your best friend, your therapist, an on line support group will all have something to contribute. Even a teddy bear you can hug when you need to will help you get through those tough times.
It may not be easy, but you can do this! Hugs to your healing process!!!
Tiffani Wampler
After watching Oprah today I can honestly say I cannot imagine having survived what Gregg endured at such a young age. I agree with Oprah that it is quite a miracle that he has lived a successful life along with maintaining some sort of normal in relationships with his wife, family, and son. I am almost speechless as to how it made me feel to watch someone I “know” talk about the pain the abuse caused their life.
Having to feel the need to protect his siblings has got to be a huge weight at any age, much less 9 years old and up. No child should ever understand that kind of suffering, nor be the protector of their family when they are unable (due to reality of age) protect themselves. I am so sorry that this was the case and I am quite thankful that there was a day Gregg realized in order to save his sister he had to get out; in turn he saved himself.
There has got to be some sort of justice to those who commit such horrendous crimes! No child should ever endure what this man or millions of other children are going through on a daily basis.
Gregg, I am so proud of you for sharing your story and stopping the cycle of abuse in your family. I am certain you have reached millions today and of that, thousands will speak up (we can hope, right?) !!!! Hugs to you and yours.
Hugs,
Tiffani Wampler
11 Comments on “Appear to be normal” Gregg Milligan (Oprah show)
I am super excited to have finally placed my order for A Beautiful World…wow, that took a few months! LOL
HE is appearing on Oprah today. Make sure you check it out. I hope it will be one Oprah puts online so my readers can be linked to it, but do not fear…I will blog about it after the show.
(To order the book visit amazon.com)
Hugs to all,
Tiffani Wampler
I have many thoughts after watching today’s show, but first a HUGE thanks to Oprah for having the courage to face those men. I have wanted to get inside the heads of abusers for many years. I have never understood what could possibly make it okay in someones head to touch/harm a child, little less their own child. Though there are many more questions, she has certainly hit the nail on the head with this one. Thanks.
I do believe that David said it correctly (I apologize for not having a direct quote) “I murdered the girl she could have been.” This is exactly how I feel each and every day. I have no idea who I could have been and all the dreams I could have fulfilled without the abuse being in my life. There is no reason any child should feel this pain. I did not deserve this pain! Even through all the confessions from each abuser, I still wonder why it had to be me. Was I the frail victim my father sought out, or was I just the easy target because I adored my father for just simply being my father? Either way, it happened, and I cannot change that now.
It was validating to hear about the grooming process they go through. Darren touched on massage being a part of it. So that the victim is used to having their perpetrators hands on them. This is all so very true and very close to home! My father spent a couple of years touching my back, my feet, and my legs through all the growing pains. Even a year ago I did not see this as part of his grooming technique but it was all the same. Jim picked up on his victim sitting in his lap. I was 16 and still sitting in my father’s lap. It is a harsh reality of how comfortable abusers can make you feel with grooming.
They all touched on the signs in which parents should look for to understand if their child is being sexually abused. Though I agreed with all that were said, what was left out, is that those are also signs of many other things…therefore just because your child suddenly is depressed does not mean that they are being abused. The key is having a close enough relationship with your child so that they trust their world is not going to shatter if they tell you what is really going on. Yes, a child’s mood does seem to change, but mine never did. I over acted. I acted proud and happy, but I was always that way. Yes a child’s appearance may change. I can relate to that one as I never got out of my pajama’s in school. There are many signs, but to be on the safe side I think the most important thing a parent can offer is a safe place for their child to talk and be heard.
First, always believe what your child tells you in regards to abuse. Only 4% of children make up the story of being sexually abused. Therefore, over all, if a child is sharing with you (no matter the person) that they are being abused, do not disagree, minimize, or act as if they are making it up. There are many ways to prove the abuse is happening, but in the years I have spent working with children I have learned that they will tell you the truth when it comes to abuse.
And of course, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! It is never the child’s fault for the abuse. I don’t care if the child stood their naked on top of a grown man/woman. It is the adults responsibility to act age appropriate and teach what is right, NOT the other way around.
Hugs,
Tiffani Wampler
I am so thankful that Michael Skinner is sharing his news letter with the world and becoming a great voice of hope for sexual abuse survivors!!! You can check out his website to learn more about his mission and the work he is doing.
A friend of mine told me about this amazing woman, Angela Shelton, just a few days ago. After a simple Google search I am compelled to tell my readers what a great website to visit and foundation to support. She is assisting all of us in giving sexual abuse a voice! We need more “Angela Sheltons” to help educate the world on what sexual abuse does to one’s soul and complex.
Check out her site and support her efforts in any way you can.
http://www.searchingforangelashelton.com/
Hugs,
Tiffani Wampler
I am so very grateful to have stumbled upon the Gregg Milligan story and to have him actually email me through LAS! What a great find! Not only is he supportive and understanding, but he believes deeply that raising his son in a home without abuse is his greatest achievement. Kuddos Gregg, as I couldn’t agree with you more. I am super excited about reading A Beautiful World. With Greggs permission I have decided to blog about my experiences and reactions to the book. I am certain reading it will cause many emotions that I have never experienced with someone else’s story. I should have the book on my doorstep after the holidays.
Hugs,
Tiffani Wampler
I will Google myself from time to time just to see what the world is putting out there. However, I just found a few links to the GMA appearance that is pissing me off! First off, they are saying I talk about my “five year relationship with my father.” THIS WAS NEVER A RELATIONSHP! I did not ever ask for it, want it, agree to it, need it, or think it was a proper thing for him to do. How dare they use those words. After asking several people’s opinions (those who have been abused and those who have not) they all agree, the title makes it sound consensual.
The media has got to learn that their spin on these reports is huge and continues to impact the way people percieve those who have survived sexual abuse! In no way should the media ever call it a relationship! For crying out loud! I am beyond disgusted. I am working on figuring out how to contact them now as this is completely unjust.
We have all got to get together and educate the world on what this form of abuse really is. The effects are beyond any “relationship” a father and daughter should have!
Tiffani Wampler
After reading about his story on abcnewsI am angered and annoyed that people have to suffer this type of abuse. I don’t understand how anyone could hurt a child, little less their own child. I will never understand what my father was thinking when he thought it appropriate to touch me. I am not sure that I am strong enough to hear his denial since he is so convinced it was my fault. However, I do know that there has got to be an answer to this epidemic.
My heart bleeds for this man and his family. There is no just cause for any human to have to suffer through years of abuse! Hugs to you, Gregg. Good luck on your healing process! Please trust that you are worth the chaos and drama that will come while trying to heal, but I promise it does get better; life gets better!
Hugs,
Tiffani Wampler
Join the forum discussion on this post - (1) Posts
