This is a very tragic story told by a survivor of how her abuse started and ended with all the inbetweens. I warn this will be a trigger to some survivors and I do not feel this is for children to read. This is a hard read but I do encourage those who can read it to do so. I know that we can all learn so much and this is yet another reason we all must stand up and say something.
Hugs to all,
Tiffani
It started when I was 6 months old. My dad started out very simple if that’s what you want to call the escalation steps to molestation. He would touch me down there as frequently as he could as many chances as he got. I know these things because he would brag about it. Saying “I’ve been training you since you were six months old.” When he changed me he told me he would blow on it and my eyes would roll back all the way. He told me he would eat me out or in other words put his mouth on my private and he said I enjoyed every minute of it. Since we lived in a busy part of France (Marseille), when my mom left for work she left early to beat the traffic. He waited until she left and he did it. He told me these things when he wanted to have a “Father-Daughter talk”. The simple molestation ended when I was 4 when he could fit his penis inside of me. But no he didn’t go straight away. He made me do other things with it before he actually made me have sex with him. Fingering, oral, and around when I was five he started using objects. Broom sticks, bottles, bamboo sticks, pens, fruits and vegatable, wires, his fist, door knobs, razor blades, kitchen utensil, golf clubs, golf balls, bats, markers, poles and many many more things were used. He also used toys but not for shoving. My dad did things to me that even in the freakiest porn circles would be categorized as taboo. And by freaky, I mean beyond the freakiest things you’ve ever seen. This went on until I moved to america. So the objects stuff went on for 3 years. I moved to America when I was 7. That’s when he started having sex with me is the most sadistic ways. The first time I had an orgasm was the first time he raped me. I didn’t understand it. It felt soo good almost unbearable to do anything but literally roll my eyes back and scream. I started cutting myself. I thought “how dare I take pleasure in my dad having sex with me? How sadistic was I?” I tryed to keep the cuts as deep as possible to teach myself a lesson to never ever take pleasure in that. But it always happened again and I just kept cutting. One day he ripped the head off my dolls and forced me to have sex. To this day I am scared to death of dolls. When I see one my heart stops. I have had my heart jumpstarted 59 times because he scared me and my heart stopped. He kept me quiet by beating the living crap out of me. The way I saw it as long as I kept quiet and no one knew I thought he would stop beating me. Fat chance of that happening. He started to bring in his buddies when I 8. When I got older and started to fight him off he started tieing me up. He let about 6 of his friends do everything he did to me. My mom always asked where and when I got the cuts and sometimes I had to think. “If I tell her will she believe me and if she doesn’t I’d be forced to feel the abuse by 2 hands or Do I not tell and wonder when my dad will finally just up and kill me.” I always choose the second one and my famous response ” A bully at school but I handled it mom.” When I was younger I had no way of hiding the bruises, cuts, and black eyes. When I was 9 I started taking my mom’s make-up and I really caked it on. When we went out to dinner with my mom’s friends my dad would be very discreet about fingering me under the table. 10 years old having an orgasm isn’t easy to explain to the religious people across the table. He always made sure we sat near a wall or in a booth. Since he had OCD people thought it was just apart of it. Whenever he got wasted I was always the main target. Things were way worse than when he was drunk. Every 3 days of the week he would invite his 6 friends over to his house and I was their sex doll. They did the shoving of items. I stopped feeling things after maybe 6 hours of screaming. They wanted me to feel pain so they’d wait until I felt it then start again. They had sex with me. Sometimes all at once. This went on for probably the whole entire day. My mom never wonderd what was going on because she was always working. So 365 days a year (’08 being a leap year). Around ’07 He started seelng my body for group sex with other people. I had finally given up. Shut out from the world. One day, I called the police but hung up as quickly as possible. I couldn’t believe what I did. At that moment he saw me with the phone and got really pissed. He started ripping my clothes off and forcing himself in me. My mom caught him then beat the living crap out of him then the police came. She looked at me with scorn in her eyes. She didn’t beleive what she saw and reassured the officers everything was ok. That same year she passed away. When I was 13 I got my boyfriend and he just joined in on my dad’s sadistic ways. He copied my dad on everything. He burned me like my dad did, he beat me like my dad did, raped me like my dad did, he attempted to kill me like my dad did. He sold me out but to his brothers for sex and of course the group sex was there. So another 2 years had passed and then I called the police again. This time things were worse than before. He beat me then ripped my clothes of and raped me. The police broke down the door and caught him in the middle of the act. So I’ve been dealing with the law for 2 years. I am pregnant with his children. I am just now starting to come to sense with what happened over the course of 14 years. I trust one person and she is my bestfriend. She has never hurt me.
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